Holy smokes, I sound like a BuzzFeed article.
Thanks to the wonders of the internet, anything you could want custom ordered, you totally can. For those who crave the luxury of things built to your every specification, the quenching of your whimsy is but a click away. I’m fascinated by these websites, mostly because I find it fascinating that you can just fucking buy what you want. Here’s 4 awesome things you can order online, right now. If you have money. Which I don’t. So there.
This is probably a little misleading because according to Bespoke Bacon‘s website, you have to buy a ton of custom-flavored bacon to get your custom flavors. The flavors that they do offer are amazing enough that the flavor you’re probably craving already exists. In my case, it does: I’ve always wanted spicy Asian-style bacon, and lo-and-behold: they have Szechuan-style Bacon. I will gladly pay $11 a pound for what sounds like the tastiest fucking bacon I can imagine.
Back in the 50s, I imagine, anyone could just saunter over to their tailor, get their measurements taken, and get a well-fitting suit made in a couple of weeks. I’ll be damned if that’s the case anymore, with companies like Joseph A. Bank just giving away suits like it’s the end of the world and Satan requested a formal dinner in hell. That’s why I’m glad that Indochino exists. You can pick a classy, timeless-looking suit, customize it to your specifications and measurements, and get it sent to your house in a month or so. Sure, the suit I want (with an extra pair of pants and a matching shirt) could run me as much as $750, but that’s a small price to pay for a suit that actually fits my fat ass.
I’m quickly realizing this list is going to just be food and clothes. BUT DAMNIT I WANT A BACON CHOCOLATE BAR WITH PEANUT BUTTER CHIPS AND CAYENNE PEPPER AND I WANT IT NOW. Shit, it’s only $12 with shipping at Chocomize? Yeah, that’s only for one bar, but I’ve seen chocolate bars at Whole Foods go for more without bacon and peanut butter and cayenne pepper. Bonus points: I don’t have to step inside a Whole Foods. Win win.
This one’s kind of a cop-out but it’s a good thing to know anyway. Shapeways is a website that does commercial 3D printing. If you can design it in something like Google Sketchup or Maya or some other 3D modeling application, then Shapeways can probably print it out in plastic or metal. Like this awesome iPhone wallet case you see above. They also print jewelry like rings or bracelets, and if you’re crafty, you can model parts you need for bikes or washing machines and they’ll print them up too. Now, if they’ll only print me a Price is Right Showcase Showdown european-style charm to give to the lady. HMMMM.